True Love: Is it a Fairy Tale?
by Brenda Novak

While I was doing a signing for my latest book, a woman passed by, picked up my novel, and immediately wrinkled her nose. "I don't read these kinds of books," she said.

"What do you read?" I asked.

She slapped the book down on the table as if it was so far beneath her she couldn't bear to touch it any longer. "Something with at least a hint of realism."

"I'm sorry for you," I said. And I meant it. Because a good romance novel isn't a fairy tale-it's a snapshot of love at its finest. The complaint shouldn't be that they're not realistic; the complaint should be that so many of us don't know how to make this kind of love last. But that doesn't mean we can't learn. It's basically a matter of behaving as we behaved when we were courting, and taking it a few steps further to establish the deeper ties that make true love an everyday reality.

Based on my experience and observations, here are some ideas to help you make love last.

1. Avoid negative thought patterns. Allowing yourself to mentally or verbally tear down your significant other is like gnawing at the bond that holds you together.

2. Remember that this person means more to you than anyone else--including your parents and your kids. People who live their entire lives for their children are often disappointed to find that they have no relationship left once the kids head out on their own.

3. Be more flexible and forgiving with your spouse than mere friends and neighbors. We expect our spouses to "understand" our stress or limitations (in other words, put up with our crap). Instead, reserve your patience and kindness for the person who means the most to you.

4. Understand that relationships work on a spiral: the more thoughtful you are to your loved one, the more fulfilled and happy he/she will be, and the more he/she will be interested in giving back to you.

5. Don't get too practical. Some couples forego the flowers, the cards, the dinner dates and the chocolates in favor of saving money. But what's worth more to you? A few bucks (or even a house or a car) or a relationship that will likely affect your whole life and the lives of your children?

6. Try to do something nice for your spouse every day, even if it's just a chore he or she typically does. These thoughtful touches will act like a hedge against the tough times.

7. Be physical, touch a lot, even when there's no chance that it will escalate into a sexual encounter. These little reminders that a spouse cares are nurturing to the soul and send wonderful signals to your children. They feel secure and happy because you're secure and happy, and they are more loving because of the example you've set.

8. Remain loyal. Have the grit it takes to stick together through thick and thin.

9. Be unselfish. It might seem otherwise, but life isn't all about you, how you're feeling and what you want. Worry more about whether you're being a good spouse than whether your spouse is being a good mate to you, and you'll be glad you did.

10. Take care of yourself. You don't have to be model-thin or in the first blush of youth, but be the best you can be-mentally and physically. In other words, be someone you'd like to be with.

11. Laugh. Don't take life too seriously. It's no fun to be around someone when everything means too much and weighs too heavily.


News & Updates
I'm revamping my entire Web site. The latest and greatest will be unveiled March 1st, so be sure to stop by and check out the changes.


One of the features I'm excited about is my new Crimebeat Column. This will feature bi-weekly interviews with professionals in the criminal justice world (or folks somehow related to mystery/suspense)-a K-9 handler, a pediatric ER doctor, a private investigator, a handwriting expert, a detective, a criminologist, a coroner, etc.

If you know someone who might be interested in letting me probe their darkest secrets (LOL), please drop me an e-mail.

The new site will be based upon my upcoming series about three women who've started a victim's charity called The Last Stand.



Favorite Recipes
And now, one of my favorite soup recipes. Warm up with something a little healthier than all the treats you enjoyed over the holidays.

Mulligatawny Soup

1 c. onion, diced
2 carrots
4 celery stalks
1/4 c. butter

Saute those ingredients, but don't brown.

Stir in:
3 T. flour
4 t. curry

Stir in and cook 3 minutes:
8 c. chicken broth
2 bay leaves

Simmer 15 minutes more:
1/2 c. tart apples
1 c. boiled rice
1 c. cubed chicken
2 t. salt
1/2 t. pepper
1/4 t. thyme

Before serving, stir in:
1 c cream (or, if you want to go lean, use 2% milk)

Serve with the homemade roll recipe I've sent you before and enjoy a nice winter meal.


My Upcoming Events
February 9, 1:00 pm
Booksigning/Library Fundraiser
El Dorado Library
Placerville

March 15, 1:00pm
Booksigning/Appearance
Joined by authors Candice Hern, Jami Always and Karin Tabke
Sonoma County Main Library
Santa Rosa


Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!
Brenda Novak

February Contest

Schedule

Coming up on Expert Friday at the Fog City Divas:

February 1: Author Katherine Stone on the brand new book review site, www.writersarereaders.com, featuring reviews by bestselling authors.

February 15: Author Phylis Warady on tackling the Magazine Market.

February 29: Mystery writer L.C. Hayden talks about what it's really like to go on a promotional tour.

March 14: Practicing Psychologist Margie Lawson on Self-Hypnosis: Teach Your Subconscious To Give You A Boost.

March 28: NY Times Literary Historical Author Brenda Rickman Vantrease.

April 11: Michelle Buonfiglio from Buy the Book at Lifetime.com.

Check out the Dishing with the Divas Blog today.

The auction starts May 1st, 2008! Be sure to visit the auction page for the latest additions going up for bid. Check out upcoming newsletters for highlighted auction items.

This month's Auction Spotlight:

Our auction spotlight falls on the amazing page of donations offered by:
#1 NYTimes Bestseller Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dianna Love (aka RITA Award Winner Dianna Love Snell) and Mary Buckham.

   

These are some of the generous items up for auction by three amazing ladies:

1. A beautiful Dark-Hunter tote bag filled with goodies, including autographed copies of Dark-Hunter and Lords of Avalon novels (and a certificate to receive a signed copy of Acheron, to be released on August 4, 2008.)

2. Dark-Hunter Fan Club Package

3. A private lunch hosted by Sherrilyn & Dianna, for 6 guests in San Francisco! Includes some goodies and a surprise gift!

4. Rare Dark-Hunter Trading Cards plus a signed copy of Devil May Cry and Upon The Midnight Clear in a Dark-Hunter tote.

5. YOUR NAME will be a character in the next B.A.D. Agency romantic suspense novel, plus more goodies!

6. YOUR NAME will be a character in a 2009 Dark-Hunter novel!

7. A certificate to attend the party of the year in New Orleans (and all it's associated events), K-CON. (Plus more goodies!)

8. Attendance to the Plot Your Book in 2 Days Retreat. Plus goodies!

9. Set of 5 popular writing templates and your own personal Q&A (over food!) with Mary Buckham and Dianna Love.

10. Dianna Love and Mary Buckham's Break Into Fiction ALL DAY Program (With Sherrilyn to heckle) at their expense, presented to your writing organization or chapter.

Be the one to win such fabulous prizes! Visit Brenda's Auction page today to begin bookmarking your favorites! The bidding starts on May 1st!


Other fabulous items for bid include:
- A trip to Hawaii courtesy of National Bestselling author Jane Porter.
- An overnight stay at Nora Roberts' Inn
- Vintage Blue Willow China donated by Author Deborah Smith.
- Autographed books and Baskets from many famous fiction authors.
- For the writers, a 10-month mentoring package from the Fog City Divas!
- An entire page of designer purses from Superromance Author Anna DeStefano.
And much, much more! Stay tuned in upcoming newsletters for more featured items.